There is Nothing Like a Daddy’s Love

Gwendolyn's Birthday - 2013

I see my daughter, Gwendolyn, standing at the top of a staircase. She is dressed in a flowing white gown. Her strawberry blonde hair is swept up into teasing tresses. The aroma of fresh flowers drifts down to me. My heart is about to burst with love. It is her wedding day, and she is about to descend the stairs one last time before leaving her mother and me to start her new life and marriage.

Except that it won’t ever happen that way.

Gwendolyn has a mitochondrial disease. She can’t stand or walk. She can’t say, “I do.” Dresses are not wheelchair-friendly, especially when she wants to pull her legs up. She is nine years old, and it is likely that she won’t live to marriageable age. That’s the brutal reality I’ve had to mourn. But, even as I have let the wedding day dream die, I have discovered something greater from the heart of that dream — there is nothing like a Daddy’s love.

I can’t fix Gwendolyn. I am not going to discover the cure for mitochondrial diseases, no matter how many articles I read or doctors I meet. I can’t figure out what will motivate her to do something new in her therapy. I have no idea what tomorrow might bring for our family. But that’s OK.

There are times when Gwendolyn will only calm down if I take her in my arms and hold her close. She snuggles into my left shoulder just a certain way. At night, she needs me to sing her a hymn or two and whisper, “Daddy loves you” before she goes to sleep. Sometimes when I come home she just smiles and giggles. On fall Sundays, there is no place she would rather be than watching a Steelers game with me (before napping). I can bathe her, change her, brush her hair, and make her do her therapy. I can navigate a wheelchair, make her daily food, start her feeding pump, and administer her medications. I’m Daddy, after all. And there is nothing like a Daddy’s love.

My wife is tired. The daily grind is exhausting. I have a full-time job that pays the bills but demands my energy. Our other
children need Dad, too. I don’t know how we will pay for a wheelchair van or home modifications. I still don’t have that special needs trust in place. Our vacations are tougher, if we can take them. Life could be easier, right? But I am here to stay, for my children and my wife. They need me because there is nothing like a Daddy’s love.

My strength is sapped. I wonder what God is doing. Does God really care about what is happening to us? Then I realize I can climb into my Heavenly Father’s lap. He comforts me when no one else can. Even though I am broken seemingly beyond repair, He can fix my deepest needs. He provides our shelter, food, clothing, medicine, jobs, caring doctors and therapists, a fantastic church, and even occasional respite! If I stop to listen, through all the doubts and fears and questions, I can hear Him. He sings over me and whispers, “I love you.”

There is nothing like a Daddy’s love.

See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are. 1 John 3:1a

(Previously published in May-June 2013 FOCUS newsletter. Some editing done here.)

Becoming a Dad More Like God

Me and Lincoln

I wanted to come back to Hebrews 13 to talk about dads. If God is a perfect heavenly Father, then His traits should guide my traits as a dad. Not all of His fatherly traits are here, but I think there are some good ones tucked in here. (In fact, Hebrews 12 is more direct about God’s fatherly discipline.)

A Dad Provides (for Needs)

“Your life should be free from the love of money. Be satisfied with what you have, for He Himself has said, I will never leave you or forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 (HCSB)

Dads sometimes get a bad rap for only being providers for their families. Certainly they should be more than “just” providers, but don’t discount this God-given task. As Christians, we should be free from the love of money. Why? Because our heavenly Father will provide for our needs. He won’t leave or leave us lacking. In the same way, dad should be good provider for the needs of his family.  (And I am not saying that moms can’t also be providers; they just aren’t the topic today.) There is a warning here, though. Dads should not be so focused on providing for wants (eg., the love of money) that he cannot do anything else. To do that, I need to follow this Scripture by practicing contentment and trusting God to provide my needs. The truth is that He is a good Father and gives me so many good things beyond my needs.

A Dad Perseveres (No Matter What)

This is really my point from the other day, so I won’t belabor it. But a dad’s continuing presence leads to the next Godly trait.

A Dad Helps

Therefore, we may boldly say:  The Lord is my helper   Hebrews 13:6a (HCSB)

 This is where dads usually get beat up. They don’t help. Not with the kids, the house, or all the other stuff. Maybe we do deserve some criticism here when we put our selfish desires ahead of family (though I think there is often an unhealthy dose of unexpressed expectations from both sides). If God is a helper, then I can be one, too. Spiritual leadership doesn’t mean I just give out orders. I can choose to be a helper. Let me be a helper upon whom my family can boldly rely.

A Dad Protects

I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?   Hebrews 13:6b (HCSB)

When I provide, persevere, and help, then my family will not be afraid. They will trust me that I am protecting them as much as I can. God’s promise is even better – the ultimate protection of the Creator. However, this is not a protection FROM bad things, it is protection THROUGH them. Until sin is removed, there will be pain and hurt. But God walks through it with us. As a dad, I cannot protect my children from all pain. But I can help them walk through it without fear, first because I am with them, but most importantly because I have shown them that God is with them. I want to be a dad who protects!

When you think of God as Father, which of his traits  means the most to you? If you are a dad, which traits do you want God to build up in you today?

A Dad Who Will Never, Ever Leave

Me and two of my three children (Gwendolyn and Lincoln)

I am a pretty easy-going guy. But there are a few things that get my blood boiling. Probably the most personal is “dads” who leave. My daughter, Gwendolyn (8), has a mitochondrial disease. There are no cures, and it will probably end her life early. We know many other families who are facing the difficulties of these diseases. In too many cases, though, “dad” has left. Now it is just mom handling a child (or children) with special needs. Like Gwendolyn, most of these children need 24 x 7 care. That’s a tough job with two involved parents. Some “dads,” I guess, bail out because they can’t fix the problem so they just move on.  It is abandonment.  I won’t mince words – that is evil.

It is probably more personal to me because I didn’t have a dad that stayed either. My parents divorced when I was 7. I saw my dad each summer for a few weeks, but that was it. (We have built a better relationship as adults.) My mom remarried, and my stepdad did stay for awhile. He was an angry man, though, and the relationship was never strong. After I was gone, my mom divorced him. Anger was not his only problem, though I don’t know all the details. The strongest male figure in my life was my grandpa. I am so thankful for the investment he made in my life as a young boy and teen. However, I do sense that “something is missing” because dad was not around.

The Scriptures reveal to us a greater dad – our Father in heaven.  Listen to the promise quoted in Hebrews 13:5:

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”  (NIV – emphasis mine)

 Those “nevers” are even more emphatic in the original Greek language, with multiple negatives stacked together. It could be paraphrased as “I will never, no, not ever, no never abandon you.” There is no doubting the intent of this promise. God is a Father who says He will never leave, no matter what.

Can we trust Him that it is true? My experience says, “yes!” When I walked away from God, he did not leave. When I have disobeyed him directly, He did not abandon me. When I shouted “WHY!?” He patiently listened. When I need Him most, I find Him. He has been true to His promise even though I have never deserved it. You can trust Him too!

How have you found God faithful to this promise to never leave? In my next post, I will talk about the results of this ever-present fatherhood.